You are the one people come to. You are good at it, you like being that person, and you have not had a proper conversation about your own life in about six weeks. You are also not sleeping, you are drinking more than you used to, and you have decided none of that counts because you are the one who is fine.
You are not exempt
The person who supports everyone else is often the last one anyone checks on, and they are frequently the one closest to the edge. Being useful to others is not a substitute for looking after yourself, and running on empty makes you worse at both jobs.
The unglamorous basics
They are boring because they work.
- Sleep. Protect it like a safety-critical system, because it is one. Guard your rest hours. Do not trade them away to be seen as keen.
- Routine. Anything that is yours and predictable — a coffee before the boat wakes up, a run, a book. It anchors a season with no shape.
- Move, and get daylight. Ten minutes on deck in the morning light beats an hour of scrolling in a windowless cabin.
- Contact with home. Deliberately, not accidentally. Book calls. Time zones will eat the relationship if you let them.
- Money. Financial worry is one of the biggest stressors in crew life and one of the least talked about. A simple plan, some savings, and honesty about what you are earning and spending removes a background hum of dread.
- Alcohol. Notice if it has quietly become the only way you switch off.
Boundaries and saying no
- You can say no. To one more drink, to covering another shift you cannot cover, to a conversation you do not have the capacity for tonight.
- Say it plainly and without a paragraph of apology. "I cannot tonight — I am running on empty. Tomorrow?"
- Protect your time off. Leave the boat. Get off the dock. A change of scene is not a luxury, it is maintenance.
Know your limits as a supporter
Supporting someone in distress is genuinely draining, and the cost is cumulative. Watch for these in yourself:
- You are thinking about their situation on your own time off.
- You feel responsible for their outcome.
- You are dreading them approaching you.
- You are flat, cynical, irritable, or numb.
None of that means you failed. It means you are carrying something a professional would have supervision for, and you have none.
Recognising when you need help
The signs are the same ones you learned to watch for in a colleague. Apply them to yourself honestly: sustained change from your normal, withdrawal, sleep going, function slipping. If that is you, talk to someone — a person you trust onboard, your HOD or captain, a doctor at home, or a seafarer welfare service such as ISWAN, whose current contact details you can look up. Asking for help is not the end of a yachting career. Not asking sometimes is.
Onboard Notes
- The supporter is not exempt. Check on yourself with the same honesty.
- Sleep, routine, movement, daylight, contact with home, money, alcohol — the boring things carry the season.
- You are allowed to say no, without a long apology.
- Supporting people is cumulative. If it is flattening you, get support.
- If you are struggling, tell someone. It is not weakness, and it is not the end of your career.
- Preparatory study only. Not a certificate and not clinical training. Recognise, listen, signpost, escalate - never diagnose, treat or counsel.